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My dear online friends,

They did a second bone marrow biopsy yesterday on my Bill. Preliminary diagnosis is acute leukemia. It changed within a few days and is rampaging. After prayer and counsel w/ my wise children I have decided to bring him home so I can love him. Chemo will surely kill him at this point.

Please continue to join w/ kahunas and healers and loving friends for our safe journey through this shadow chapter of our lives.

Love, Joan


My Dearest Joan,

My heart goes out to you, Bill, and your children. I think bringing him home is a wise decision - and I'm sure all the love you have for him will be the best "medicine" of all.

I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care, my dear.

With much love,


Immune System Death of a Cancer Cell

(Joan's Note: But, first, you have to have a strong immune system, not one virtually destroyed by an auto-immune disease.)

Cancer cells can be destroyed by our own immune system. Below is a scanning electron microscope photograph of a cancer cell being destroyed by cancer killing T-Cells of our immune sytem.


This is a picture of a cancer cell being attacked by your immune system killer T-Cells. Scanning electron microscope shows killer t-cells attacking the cancer cell. Notice the tentacles of the cancer cell.

If you can get your immune system strong enough to attack the cancer, you can see what happens to the cancer in the picture below. Notice how the cancer is completely flattened and totally destroyed. Mission complete for this one horrible invading cell.

During the killing process, granules in a T-Cell fuse with the cell membrane and release units of the protein PERFORIN. These combine to form pores in the target cell membrane. Thereafter fluid and salts enter so that the target cell eventually bursts.


Hi Joan ....

I hope you had a nice time being with Bill today. I know you value every minute with him .....

Much love,


Joan, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all!
What Bill and yourself have shared, others can only guess at.
Love is a place in which all emotions and feelings can be shared.
Love needs no excuses or reasons.

Love remains a place that humans can give and receive to each other freely.
Everyone can say that they have lived. Only the special can say that they have loved.
I have lived and loved, I have shared with others within my life, my love and my dreams.

Tomorrow is another day, a day of dreams, a day of loving and of acceptance.
To say to a true friend "I accept you!" is to open one's heart and admit one's feelings!
The bond of acceptance and of love covers everything.
When we are born, we all know that we shall at some stage die.

Death is not the end, it is the beginning.
Nobody recalls "Being born!" because we drift into life. Life goes on!



Joan, dearest,

In 1980, during an operation, I had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia and went into cardiac arrest; for two minutes, I was technically dead. I had a classic Kubler-Ross near death experience wherein I felt I was falling down a long swirling tunnel and then realized I wasn't falling but rather being pulled toward a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

I popped through the gate of light into a white infinity that boiled and swirled like rainbow mists. The mists parted and I moved toward a bridge which I saw as one of those Japanese-style half moon bridges. Standing at the top of the bridge was Azrael, the Archangel of Death and he was fabulously beautiful. Instead of being frightened, I was actually attracted and longed to embrace him.

Beyond him, on the other side of the bridge, I could see a receiving line of all the people I had known who had crossed over before me. They were in order from first to most recent, waiting and smiling at me. Azrael, put out his hand and stopped me from crossing over by saying, "Not yet. Go back now." I then awoke in the recovery room and wept at the beauty I had seen, the peace I had felt.

Since then I have not been afraid of leaving this life because I know in my heart, in my soul, that there is no death. Nothing is lost, nothing is wasted in the universe; there is only a transition to another level of learning. We who are left behind suffer loss and grief because we can no longer hold our loved ones. But, they are not parted from us in Spirit!

A week before my mother died, she and I had a party to celebrate her imminent transition. We cried bittersweet tears but we laughed, too, chanting, "Soon! Soon! No more pain, no more feebleness, no more sickness and dis-ease!" Even in grief, joy can be found.

Joan, please receive my virtual hug and know that I am thinking about you every day. S


Dear Joan,

Please know that my heartfelt prayers are with you during this difficult time. May you be focused on the good times, his joy of spirit and the happiness you shared.

Take care, your angels are watching over you both,



My Dear Joan,

I just want to send my love and prayers to you and Bill.

I can't tell you how sad this kind of news makes me. My dear brother, John, had acute myelogenous leukemia - beginning three years ago. He had been completely healthy before that. The sudden onset of this disease was shocking to me.

Do what your heart tells you ... Love is the most powerful drug of all.

You are such a special couple that I'm sure God will readily hear your prayers - and the prayers of your friends. We are all near you in spirit - lending whatever strength we can.

Love and Light,


Hi Joan,

You don't know me, but I am a subscriber to your ezine. I have been following your news about your husband Bill, and I am so very sorry to hear about this latest development. Please know that there are people out here that are thinking of you both, and wish you and Bill all that you need at this time.


p.s. I know you are very busy right now. Please don't feel the need to reply. Save your precious time for yourself and Bill.


Dear Joan,

I think your course is wisest and most compassionate for your husband. Please know that my love and healing presence is with both of you. If you keep the relaxation/breathing visualizations with hands on healing, this will help both of you and will ease Bill considerably.

If you need me, I am here.

With much love, healing, and prayers for you both.

Love, Ellen


Dearest Joan;

Just now finished reading your message in the Empowered Parenting newsletter - I am so terribly sorry!!!! You both are definitely in my prayers - I hope they help.

I know you don't know me from Adam, but if you need someone to rant at (sometimes helps LOL) or someone's shoulder to cry on that isn't personally involved, I'm your gal. I've been told I've got real big shoulders and that when it comes to someone crying on them or someone telling me their troubles, I'm the best there is if you are looking for an ordinary lay person and stranger.

Anyway, give Bill all the love you can and I will be praying for you both.




I have been following Bill's condition but haven't written. You and Bill have definitely been in my prayers and thoughts. This update struck a nerve with me, as this is how we lost my grandmother. With tears in my eyes, I wish to send you all of the love and support that I can possibly muster in an e-mail. I wish my mother and I had had the choice to bring my grandmother home and love her. That choice was not ours to make, as my grandfather wanted to "fix her" rather than to just let her be in peace.

You have been such a wonder in our lives, and I know that Bill has been there backing us up as well in our minor (compared to what you have gone through in the last couple of years) obstacles we have had to overcome. I feel as though I KNOW you and that you are part of our family as well.

I wish you all the best. Please, love him and let him be as comfortable as possible. Take a break from everything, spend all the time you can with him. I feel that you can't possibly go wrong with this decision.

With all my love and prayers for an easy transition,



My heart is with you, Bill and your family,



I have enjoyed your writing for a long time. I hope that both of you are hanging in there and finding the strength and spirit to live each day at a time.

God bless you both! So much love flows from your Ezine. Sending some back.



Two ears. No waiting. Call if you want to talk.

Love, Margie



I am so sorry to hear about Bill. I'm not going to list all the clichés' that people say at this time. All I can tell you is my prayers are with all of you and I agree that Bill should be at home now. All kinds of Love, hugs and prayers are going out to you. If you need an invisible shoulder to cry on or someone to scream at, here I am.

Love, Peace, Hope and Healing,


"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."


You and Bill and your family are not alone, Joan.



Oh my dear friend Joan,

What an awful enduring time you are going through, I really don't have any words I feel that can help except that my absolute sympathies are with you.

My thoughts, my prayers are all with you. Give Bill a kiss and a huggle from Jewel and me all the way from Australia.

Love you my dearest friend,
love Crystal


My dear friend Joan:

My heart breaks for the sadness you're family is having to endure. I'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm asking God to hold Bill in the palm of his hand and grant him comfort. Please take care of yourself during all of this. I know it's hard to focus on yourself when you want and need to focus on him. Remember always that there are many people who love you and are with you in spirit.

Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you during the interim. I'm a freelance writer and if you need some time and have jobs needing to be done, feel free to lean on me. That's what friends are here for.




There are so many little things which make life beautiful.
I can recall a day in early youth when I was longing for happiness.
Toward the western hills I gazed, watching for its approach.
The hills lay between me and the setting sun,
and over them led a highway.
When some traveler crossed the hill, always a fine gray
dust rose cloudlike against the sky.
The traveler I could not distinguish, but the dust-cloud I could see.

And the dust-cloud seemed formed of hopes and possibilities
--each speck an embryo event.
At sunset, when the skies were fair, the dust-cloud
grew radiant and shone with visions.
The happiness for which I waited came not to me down
that western slope.
But now I can recall the cloud of golden dust, the sunset,
and the highway leading over the hill,
The wonderful hope and expectancy of my heart, the visions
of youth in my eyes; and I know this was happiness.

There are so many little things which make life beautiful.
I can recall another day when I rebelled at life's monotony.
Everywhere about me was the commonplace; and nothing
seemed to happen.
Each day was like its yesterday, and tomorrow gave no
promise of change.
My young heart rose rebellious in my breast, and I ran
aimlessly into the sunlight--the glowing sunlight of June.

I sent out a dumb cry to Fate, demanding larger joys and more delight.
I ran blindly into a field of blooming clover.

It was breast-high, and billowed about me like rose-red
waves of a fragrant sea.
The bees were singing above it; and their little brown bodies
were loaded with honey-dew, extracted from the clover blossoms.
The sun reeled in the heavens, dizzy with its own splendor.
The day went into night, without bringing any new event to
change my life.
But now I recall the field of blooming clover and the honey-laden
bees, the glorious June sunlight and the passion of youth in my
heart; and I know that was happiness.

There are so many little things which make life beautiful.
Yesterday a failure stared me in the face, where I had thought
to welcome proud success.
There was no radiant cloud of dust against the western sky,
and no clover field lying fragrant under mid-June suns;
Neither was youth with me any more.

But under the vines that clung against my walls, a flock of
birds sought shelter just at twilight;
And, standing at my casement, I could hear the twitter of
their voices and the soft, sweet flutter of their wings.
Then over me there fell a sense of peace and calm, and love
for all created things, and trust illimitable.

And that, I knew, was happiness.

There are so many little things which make life beautiful.

-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox



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